You can’t escape the dread when you recognize your parents are becoming more afflicted with age, fragility, and a fading memory. You realize they are living in a house too big to manage with cupboards and closets filled with decades of stuff and memories. It is time for them to downsize and move to a smaller place, yet you put off “having the talk” in fear of a negative response.
I just arrived home from spending a week with my sister (Sherry) and her husband (Paul) in Oregon. We spent our days clearing out the home of Paul’s parents who moved to a senior living facility. The discussion about downsizing and moving started many months earlier. Paul’s parents ultimately decided on their own that it was time to move. The process of paring down, selling, and donating a significant amount of their possessions was going to be a difficult process. They have a large home, with a garage/shop and a barn on five acres of property.
However, having the luxury of going through the possessions with Paul’s parents still around made it so much easier to identify family treasures and heirlooms. I witnessed some very special moments during the week. One afternoon, Paul’s mom showed us the keepsakes she had in her hope chest and recounted the stories that went along with those possessions. Her beautiful wedding dress was in the chest. We were told it was handmade by her mom from material that cost just $10. Sherry’s daughter, Lyndsey, was there with us for a few days and voiced a desire to have her grandmother’s wedding dress as part of her legacy drawer.
Paul and his dad reminisced about the 1967 Ford truck parked in the barn. The truck is still in great running condition and there were many happy memories of family camping vacations and trips to Oregon. Paul is grateful that this classic truck will be transported to his home. The family legacy of this Ford truck will continue to live on.
There were photographs of great-grandparents and other family members that were identified. Paul and Sherry now have names and stories behind those photographs. They spent a considerable amount of time going through photo albums choosing the most meaningful pictures to keep in their family legacy drawer.
Even though the entire process was physically and emotionally exhausting, Paul’s parents experienced the joy of passing down family stories, photographs, and heirlooms while still alive. Paul and Sherry experienced the joy of receiving these treasures while learning the family significance of each item.
More often than not, an unexpected death prevents this type of meaningful transition. For this very reason, it is so important to document and discuss family wishes. Itemize the family heirlooms and identify who should have them. Document any stories that should accompany the family heirloom and write names and dates on the back of photographs. This will ensure the family legacy will live on long after the loved one is gone.
