“Hey Mom and Dad, that was a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner!   Oh, and by the way, do you want to be buried or cremated?  And how much money are you leaving me?”

Just the thought of “having the talk” with your parents about their estate planning, finances, and final wishes is enough to make you want the stomach flu this Thanksgiving.   Will they think you are invading their privacy or making a mad dash for their cash?

Talking with your parents about their estate and final wishes can be one of the most difficult things you will ever do.   But it is extremely important that you at least start the dialog as soon as possible.  Since most of us will be with our families sometime during this Thanksgiving week, here are a few tips to consider that will help you start the conversation.

1. Know when to broach the subject. Bringing up the subject during Thanksgiving dinner is probably not the best approach.  Find a time that seems a little more natural.  If your parents don’t want to think about it at the time, change the subject and look for the opportunity at another time.
2. Give your parents control. Start the subject by saying, “I want to make sure to do the things exactly the way you want them done.  Do you have all the information documented somewhere?”  This puts them in a position of authority and helps them express their wishes honestly and openly.
3. Acknowledge that it is awkward. Maybe you can open the conversation by  saying that it is a difficult and awkward subject.  “I have something on my mind that is difficult to discuss, but I feel we need to”.
4. Show love and respect. Be clear that your motivation for starting the conversation is to ensure that their final wishes and estate planning matters are carried out in the way they would want.  Make sure your parents understand that you are approaching them with love and respect.
5. Ask for their advice. Ask your parents for their advice about your estate planning and final wishes.  Tell them you have wondered how they have handled their own.  When the talk turns to your parents assets, make sure they know you are not trying to take control.

If all else fails, try writing out your concerns. You will want to convey that you care about your parents and that you want what’s best for them. Give them the assurance that you want to carry out their final wishes and handle their estate in the way they want.  Acknowledge that it is a difficult subject, but let them know that it is important to communicate.

Now go have that piece of pumpkin pie!

#havethetalk